We Asked Australians To React To English Things And They Inevitably Took The Piss

1. The adder (Britain’s most dangerous snake)

The adder (Britain's most dangerous snake)
Alex: Awwwww cute! It looks like the kind of snake our snakes would keep as a pet.
Rob: Looks sinister. Probably isn’t.
Caitlin: I mean, he’s OK, but he’s nothing compared to the shit we deal with on a daily basis.
Lane: Lol.

2. The heatwave

The heatwave
This was our weather last week. Pretty good, huh?
Dean: LMAO. OK… stay hydrated. LOL.
Alex: Hahahahaha. When it’s 28 degrees here I’m still deciding whether it’s warm enough to bother going to the beach.
Caitlin: HAHAHAH YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE WHEN YOU THINK YOU’RE HAVING A HEAT WAVE.
Jenna: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

3. Mr Blobby

Mr Blobby
Who’s this guy and how does he make you feel?
Rob: This guy is a bowling pin after a three-day meth binge. He makes me feel like he’s about to rob my house.
Lane: He is from my worst nightmares and makes me feel like running. Fast.
Tahlia: This is Splotchy. He’s actually just very misunderstood. When he first watchedMagic Mike, he thought, “Hey! Why can’t I do that?!” He tried to follow his dreams but would continuously be laughed at – it turned out he wasn’t a very good dancer. One day however, Splotchy rescued a baby kitten from being hit my a car. There were many eye-witnesses and Splotchy became a national hero. This is Splotchy now on his reality TV show The Splotch Crotch – It’s all about him pursuing his dreams of becoming a professional dancer.
Splotchy installs faith in all of us just to pursue our dreams.

4. Pimm’s

Pimm's
Jenna: This is some kind of cocktail or punch, right? It looks delicious, whatever it is, and I want to drink it. It would be perfect for summer cricket matches where the Aussies slay the Brits.
Tania: Looks refreshing and alcoholic. I want it immediately.
Alex: Motherflippin P.I.M.M.S! The best.

5. Jonny Wilkinson kicking the drop goal that won England the 2003 Rugby World Cup final against Australia

Jonny Wilkinson kicking the drop goal that won England the 2003 Rugby World Cup final against Australia
Damien Meyer / Getty Images
How does this picture make you feel?
Dean: Like I’ve been kicked in the guts. Stop it.
Rob: Like Australian rugby has never recovered from this moment.
Jenna: I know that that is Australia vs England but I can’t tell exactly what’s happening. Why are they so dirty? Why is that guy on the ground? Why are their thighs so perfect?
Tania: I feel nothing.

6. The Inbetweeners

The Inbetweeners
Bwark Productions
Who are these guys?
Lane: Private schoolboys? The guy on the left needs to find an adult sized tie.
Alex: These are the band members of 5ive.
Tahlia: These guys are the reason why Skins finished up. They auditioned for Gen 4 and the writers were just like… “No. No. We are so done.”
Jenna: Briefcase wankers.

7. Yorkshire puddings

Yorkshire puddings
Alex: I have no idea what these steaming bread holes are. Do you pour soup in them?
Caitlin: Yorkshire puddings! They’re only decent if you drown them in gravy.
Lane: Cupcakes gone really wrong. Would not eat.
Tania: Ooo! These are something I would want with a beer. I can’t tell if they’re sweet or savoury? Either way, gimme!

8. The Angel of the North

The Angel of the North
Caitlin: Is it some kind of a windmill? I bet it’s for farming or something.
Tahlia: It’s called “The Triumphant Riser” and it was installed so that British people could get motivated to get up in the morning, even when their weather was really shitty, so basically always.
Anna: Wow, she/he has long arms.
Alex: British Airways.

9. Mark Corrigan from Peep Show

Mark Corrigan from Peep Show
Objective Productions
Tahlia: This is the guy that wants to replace Zayn in One Direction. He doesn’t want shit on his dreams, but he’ll probably shit all over yours.
Dean: An english version of Ferris Bueller?
Anna: Not your Prime Minister.
Rob: Someone’s dad. Everyone’s dad.

10. Stonehenge

Stonehenge
Caitlin: These have something to do with aliens. People come here to worship aliens I think.
Lane: Stonehenge! It’s important because it was in Doctor Who and that show is A++++.
Alex: This is Stonehenge and it is very important because these are the eggs that aliens laid in ancient times that hatched and became the royal family.

11. The Barmy Army (England’s hardcore cricket fans)

The Barmy Army (England's hardcore cricket fans)
William West / Getty Images
Tahlia: The Barmy Army… Well they’ve just set themselves up for a life of disappointment really haven’t they?
Anna: They come to Straya drunk AF every January.
Alex: Just the worst. I can hear their terrible accents from here.
Dean: Loud and proud. Love the Barmy Army. Represents a good sporting rivalry.

12. Mushy peas

Mushy peas
What’s this and would you like to eat it?
Rob: That’s baby shit so no thanks.
Dean: Mushy Peas? If so, then only on top of a good meat pie. (Watch out tomorrow though).
Alex: Mushy peas are LEGIT. I used to beg my parents to let me eat dried minted peas from a can.
Lane: Is it vomit? Hell no.

13. The Chuckle Brothers

The Chuckle Brothers
Who are these two and what do they do?
Tahlia: This is Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, and if you call their hotline they’ll come mow your lawn for you. But they always expect a cup of tea after, and get weirdly angry if you don’t have their favourite. Don’t let those smiles deceive you.
Caitlin: I feel like they’re musicians? I bet they sing weird catchy children’s songs.
Rob: The real life inspiration for Mario and Luigi. They are plumbers, obvs.
Tania: They are brothers and/or lovers, I believe.

14. Wetherspoon’s

Wetherspoon's
Jenna: Is this Buckingham Palace? Can you go and dine with the queen? Yes please.
Dean: Ummm yeah, looks high brow. Would probably steer clear tbh.
Tania: Looks a bit snooty if you ask me. Very old-school England.
Alex: I don’t know what it is but it looks like it’s trying super hard to be fancy, but the floors are probably sticky and I bet it smells like a nursing home. So Buckingham Palace I guess?

1 comment:

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